Anonymous asked, "what happend? are you okay?"

I thought quite a while about how to answer this and in the end I decided to tell the truth: I don’t think I’m fine right now.

Five years ago I had a spinal fusion and although it was really rough, things went well. Three weeks ago, I had another surgery because something was wrong with the metal they had used. At first it seemed like everything went well too but after 12 days my mum noticed a huge infection which had developped. I had an emergency operation and ever since then things are not going as supposed to. My blood test results are not fine, the antibiotics are not good for my body. I’m tired, feel sick all the time, everything hurts. While I was in hospital last week, I didn’t sleep at all which wasn’t very advantageous. Apart from that I suffer from SMA which is a chronic disease. 
And today I was told that they might need to remove all of the remaining metal because they are not sure whether the infection will come back. If they have to do that, it means that there will not only be this surgery but I’m going to have another surgery afterwards.. another spinal fusion because without it, I wouldn’t be able to survive. This means another year filled with a lot of pain, hospitals and so on. 

All in all I feel pretty much like shit because I can’t really move the way I want, it’s hardly getting better and I’m trying so hard to be positive but I can’t even begin to explain how difficult it is and how scared I am. The past few years I have worked so hard to be able to finish High School, to graduate as the best and I want to start university in 4 weeks but right now it seems so unlikely. Everything feels rather senseless. 

Excuse me ranting about it, but I have tried to go through this on my own, as always but I feel like I can’t continue doing that any longer. I’m so done with suffering alone and with life in general. 

But thank you for caring enough to ask me how I am. It means a lot to me!

I’ve never been that scared in my life.

1 day ago - ♥164   #bam  #kristin  #alex  

Pam “Republicunt” Swynford De Beaufort

Lana Parrilla attends Entertainment Weekly’s Annual Comic-Con Closing Night Celebration at the Hard Rock Hotel on Saturday, July 26, 2014, in San Diego.

Lana Parrilla attends Entertainment Weekly’s Annual Comic-Con Closing Night Celebration at the Hard Rock Hotel on Saturday, July 26, 2014, in San Diego.

3 days ago - ♥2539   #little doll  #lana  

5 days ago - ♥1813   #why so pretty  #lana  #jared  #colin  #jennifer  #josh  #once  #emilie  

Outlaw Queen Minimalist Poster

Outlaw Queen Minimalist Poster

3 weeks ago - ♥226   #outlaw queen  #lana  #fred  #once  

As much fun as prom is, but my hair is giving me a really hard time. It’s just so heavy and argh.



3 weeks ago - ♥414   #i am not okay  #outlaw queen  #lana  #sean  #once  


What do you think about the Disney version of the Evil Queen?
I think she’s pretty awesome, I like her, I’m a fan. But I prefer Once Upon a Time’s Evil Queen because we have- three years we’ve been telling her story and that is… hm… oh my gosh… how many… twenty two, twenty two, twenty two is sixty six… hours? And so Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is only two hours of storytelling so we’ve had a lot more time to show all these different colors. I prefer our version.

3 weeks ago - ♥1145   #cutie  #lana  

Me and my $38 million a year in client billing. 

You found me.

1 month ago - ♥1911   #bye I'm gonna go cry  #paric  #kristin  #alex  #true blood  
Liv.18.Student.Nicely overseen by most of the people and this is my escape from reality.

By far too many obsessions. Click "About me" to get to know more :)

I've had a dream, that no one else had. I was free.

Talk to me :) talk to me like lovers do.

I was looking for a breath of life.

Stay strong.